Being a social dancer is a fantastic thing. It means that you feel, deep in your core, a desire to connect with other human beings. It means you have a desire to be empathetic, caring, and in tune with the energy around you. We desire to create, channeling our energy into a beautiful experience that is always present and never replicated in any other place. And, unlike many things, we choose to create these magical experiences with a partner.
Being a social dancer means looking inward – not outward. It means feeling, and being ready to feel, all the sensations around you. Music, partners, the floor, the air: social dancing demands awareness of all. If we miss one, we lose them all. It is a delicate balance – and one we spend years perfecting – and we are constantly in search of making it better.
Being a social dancer means you are ready to take care of others. It means being willing to share the magic of dance with people who are further ahead on their dance journey, but also being willing to slow down and help someone take their first step on a road that can change their life. It is this kindness that differentiates people who dance socially from social dancers.
It means you are aware of your own limitations and the limitations of others – without prejudice or judgement. It means that limitations are not problems, but things to be explored, improved, or worked around. It is a culture of lifting up ourselves and others – not tearing them down.
Being a social dancer means we prize connection over aesthetics, kindness over ego, and people over movements. After all, being a great social dancer has less to do with being an amazing technical dancer, and more to do with creating magic between ourselves and others.
We can all be social dancers – but only if we actively choose it. It is easy to lose our way and get wrapped up in the glitz, glamour, and desire to leave the beginnings of our journey behind. But, at the end of the day, we must remember and embrace those beginnings. Without our beginnings, our dance would be nothing; it would be a speck soon forgotten.
We can choose to remember the social in social dancer, or we can choose to forget it. I would like to remember. I would like to remind myself every time that I stand on the floor to ask a beginner in the corner to dance. To teach someone their very first step (after all, it’s the only time it’s OK to teach on the dance floor). To spread the love. To share magic with a master – and a beginner. To share magic with my friends, and those I don’t know well.
I would like to remind myself to be the social in social dancer. The next time you set foot on the social floor, I challenge you to do the same.
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Love it!
This is a perfect discription of what social dancing should be and remain.
This is the call to dance. A life changing endeavor.
I think this is beautiful. Thank you for writing this. 🙂
A beautifully written pieced embodying the true meaning of connection, with others and with dancing. Shared to my new dance group who have yet really to have social danced so it sets up the ‘space’ of caring ad friendship wonderfully.
Not all of us who are social dancers choose to dance with a partner other than the one s/he came with. My husband and I have been dancing together since 1993. We choose to dance with each other not because we are insecure in our own abilities but because we enjoy our own connection. We have achieved a very high level of proficiency by taking years of private lessons and group lessons. During group lessons we will change partners, but during a social dance we prefer to dance together rather than seeking out other partners. Most of the couples we are close to get it and feel the same way. The article is probable spot on if the social dancer is single.
It is perfectly reasonable to dance only with your partner when going out to dance socially. But, that is a choice that does remove one from the culture of social dancing. It becomes a dance night, an an evening that is either that couple + other friends who dance, or just that couple.
To me, and in all the social dance scenes I’ve been in, couples who dance only with each other do not frequently become a ‘social dancer’ and tend to stick to themselves. The only scene where I’ve seen this behavior to be common and still social is in Ballroom, where the emphasis is not generally on ‘social dancing’ in the way that Zouk, Salsa, Swing, Tango, Kizomba (etc) dancers see it. 🙂
I’ve been in a relationship for over 3 years, and I still don’t see this any differently.
It’s only “reasonable” if both people are experienced dancers, and are experienced in the form of dancing they are doing on a given evening. I have seen more “train wrecks” caused on the contra dance floor by newbies who insist on sticking together and not pairing themselves up with more experienced people who can use a firm hand to keep them moving and in proper position throughout the set.
I’ve been doing “social” dance (contra) for 14 years, and IMO if people want to stick together all night they should go out to a bar or a club where people tend to do that. If your relationship is strong enough it won’t be in jeopardy if you dance with other people. If I were ever to get with someone, that would be one of the litmus tests I would use – bring them to a contra dance and see how they react when they see how many men I dance with, because I don’t have the time or patience to deal with any petty jealousy.
I’m not familiar with Contra dancing, so I’m not sure how the rotation on the floor works there. If it is a style in which the whole floor moves together, then I can see how it would be difficult. I don’t tend to see that same difficulty with Salsa, Kiz, Tango, Zouk, WCS, etc.
I think, however, that it is important to not conflate only dancing with one partner to jealousy. There are many couples who take up dancing together as a way of connecting to each other – they really don’t have interest in the social dance aspect. This is fine with me, and I think it’s important to recognize that this may not be based in jealousy but in a desire to connect.
It may be a great litmus test for us who are already social dancers to see if our new partner is jealous, but our situation is quite different from those who come into the scene with a partner and never entered the ‘social fabric’ that we are part of.
Nice . I’m a helper in my ballroom / latin class so dance with beginers intermediate and top class. I also dance Cuban salsa and are learning cross body . I went dancing last night to try kizomba . It is important to be able to dance with different people to be able to feel and lead the dance/music ?
What you’re doing is not social dancing. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to dance with only your partner, but your not being “social.”
I am (single) and it is (spot on)!
My preferred dance form is, I think, the epitome of social dancing. Couples who arrive as such to our dances may, but seldom do, dance the whole evening together. There is abdolutely zero pressure to conform to any standard in that regard.
The reason anyone, man or woman, dances is to have fun in a safe environment. I’d like to think that this type of fun never ceases again in this lifetime. I have other interests in life but dancing is by far the most enjoyable… by far.
Beautiful sentiments. No 2 dances are ever e same and each connection with your partner is special.
This is exceptionally true as a definition of what a social dancer is. What I find disheartening though is what I see from a lot of the younger social dancers (not ALL, but a lot) is arrogance, their alpha-mentality and the cliques they form. Unless you’re welcomed into their clique they give off this aura of looking down on you. Most of them will not dance with anyone but those in their clique. A few of them will and this is a wonderful thing. Too bad the main body of these cliques cannot follow their example. This excellent definition of what it takes to be a social dancer, in my opinion, does not fit with this type of social “dancer”. This, alpha-minded clique mentality is not what it takes to be a social dancer, but it is what an asocial dancer is. I also see this in the professional fold. Thank you for posting this spot-on definition.
Mykl, I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience! It is true that there are some cliques out there that do not behave very nicely on the social dance floor. Hopefully, there will be enough of us young folks (myself included) that don’t do this to keep social dance alive and well 🙂
Your article describes perfectly our non profit organization’s vision and mission: To bring the joy of social dancing to our community in Seattle. Please check our website. We would like to include this article on that website. Can we have your permission to do so? I am a member of the Board at Northwest Dance Network. Thank you for so eloquently expressing the wonders of social dancing.
Yes, absolutely. Please credit Laura Riva and provide a link back to the original post. 🙂
here on the East Coast Hollywood ballroom Cherry Hill Colvin run avant garde everyone dances with everyone. I have never danced at rendezvous but I hear the people are very social there too, I read many nice things about rendezvousthere’s also boogie in Bethesda. I’ve only been dancing for 4 Or 5 years but I’m so lucky to live within an hour DR to so many good things
I love your post.
At the moment I am preparing an article about socializing the tango in NL in the dutch tango magazine la Cadena. Could I use your post as an introduction, with your credits of course?
Pieter van Gendt
Of course 🙂 I’d love to see the article when it’s done as well!
Thank you, Laura,
If Your article will be included in my article, I will mail it to you.
Abrazo, Pieter
By that I mean that if you don t really like the person for whatever reason (obviously not the health reasons) and they ask you to dance, you should still give them one dance because, as Joseph mentioned, some people are not very confident dancers yet. Maybe a guy is a terrible lead and it makes dancing with him difficult, or maybe that girl is not very good at following.
The above mentions of relationships in relation to social dancing got me thinking. If an experienced dancers’ significant other went along to one of their classes/events, depending on the dance style they could get a major physical contact culture shock.
Love your article Laura !!
Love your article Laura. I am a social dancer and love social dancing. My partner and I love it too and we try to social dance whenever we can but if we don’t get to dance with others, we have each other to dance with. We also practice a lot together to improve and learn new moves.
I would always accept a dance from anyone new, I never judge them by their level. I would only rarely stop a dance or not dance with that person again only if he is a hurtful dancer. I have had many hurtful dance experience and even once I was injured and couldn’t dance for more than 5 months. So, I am careful to not get hurt again. I know many couples in the ballroom scene who would only dance with each other or some would be hosted by an instructor as they don’t want to get hurt or have a bad social dance experience.
My point is many girls would talk behind the back of a bad or hurtful dancer and not tell him why. Maybe they should point it out to them so they can improve and amend their dancing so they would be a more pleasant, have better connection and fun dancer. This would make the social dance scene more inviting to everyone.
Laura,this is a great article, and really describes the reason I go dancing! I’ve been Lindyhopping for a few years and have always enjoyed music and dancing. One thing to mention is getting un requested feedback whether in class or most heinously on the dance floor and that is SO what dancing is not about,just serving the ego of the one “offering” unsolicited advice. Nice things yes feedback no.
This week I was dancing with a beginner of a week or so who had his feet all over but was swinging beautifully with lovely timing,so I told him ! He said that was such a lovely thing to say with a huge smile and just grew in confidence right before me-it really lovely to see!
http://blog.naver.com/anaising/220803122243
Thank you so much. I shared your article in my blog in Korean.
Very inspiring thoughts. Asking a beginner is something I will keep an eye on from now on.
Hi Laura,
I started teaching social dancing with Arthur Murray Dance Studios in Perth Western Australia in the early seventies. Then, later on, I taught with Fred Astair Dance Studios working in all major cities in Australia and New Zealand. Then I opened up my own studio in Canberra [capitial of Australia] combining teaching musical instruments and social dance.
Your text is written beautifully, I am privileged to read your thoughts. Thank you. You have a beautiful heart; I share your sentiment.
Kind regards,
Morgan