A few days ago, I published an article about how a leader I danced with managed to turn a really rough and scary dance into an amazing one. It was meant to show how respecting and communicating with your partner can lead to amazing dances – and rescue them when something is going wrong.
Most leads and follows resoundingly agreed with me; a true testament to how considerate and wonderful our dance community is. Many commended the lead on adapting our dance and giving us both a good experience. Many understood that mistakes happen, and sometimes it’s easy to forget to adapt to the partner – and that sometimes we need reminders. Most saw what a great, positive experience this was…
However, not all leads took the story that way. I say leads because so far not a single follow has protested against the story. The most blatant (and disrespectful) opposition was from a comment left by ‘Danny’, which has inspired the #DontBeADanny hashtag. But… he was not the only one who expressed that sentiment.
This article, dear leads, is aimed at those of you who feel that the rough experience I had was somehow a reflection of me not following, hijacking the dance, being picky, etc. That it was him compensating for me ‘going where I wanted’ instead of listening to the lead. That I am an unenjoyable follow because I endeavored to avoid a movement that could cause me permanent injury.
Let me say this: I am not here for your enjoyment. I’m here to enjoy the dance WITH you.
I, and all follows, are human beings. We have a right to safety. We have a right to not engage in something that makes us uncomfortable. We are not your playthings. We are not bitchy, icy, stupid, a primadonna, or high maintenance for making ourselves safe and comfortable.
If this offends you, too bad. It shouldn’t. I’m not criticizing your worth as a human being – or even as a dancer – when I decline a movement. It’s about me – not about you – and what I am comfortable with. If you think that it’s not OK for me to dance within my comfort zone, please never ask me to dance.
Do you have any idea how many follows TRY to please leads and end up with serious injuries? Who end up having to leave dance for good? Who end up ruining their dance weekends because that one guy did something without respecting their body, and they felt that in order to be ‘good enough’ they HAD to follow?
We want to be WITH you in the dance. We want a partner, not a dictator. We want to share joy with you; not be your puppet flung every which way. It’s scary – and irritating – to be treated like your enjoyment of the dance is secondary.
It doesn’t matter whether the follow doesn’t know the move, or just decided not to follow… it’s NOT OK to force a move.
Is it OK to guide a more novice dancer by trying to repeat the move, add additional support, and try to gently guide her body into position? Yes. Is it OK to use your strength to contort her body into something she isn’t following? Hell No.
It’s irrelevant if she decided not to follow something vs. if she doesn’t know something. If you can’t guide her into the movement using the best of your technique and support, you shouldn’t proceed with the movement. Forcing it is always the unsafe option.
Saying “he obviously thought you were beginner” implies that it’s OK to use force on beginners who haven’t reached the stage of their dance journey to understand the movement. This isn’t OK. What if you hurt them? What if they hurt themselves?
It also implies that the only ‘acceptable’ reason for not following something is not knowing what the lead is – which is false.
It’s Not OK to tell follows that they don’t have the experience to make these judgement calls.
If there is a major hurricane warning on the television for your city and there is a chance you could end up in danger, what would you do? The meteorologist says that there’s a 50/50 chance you could end up in the middle. Would you gamble?
What’s the outcome if you leave, and nothing happens? You get to return home.
What’s the outcome if you stay, and the storm hits? You could die.
In the world of dance, follows are the citizen and the meteorologist is our experienced opinion. Maybe we don’t always get it right; maybe that dip or hammer lock would be OK. But, when it feels risky, not all of us feel like gambling on that chance – we’d rather make sure we go on to dance another day.
Not to mention, you don’t have knowledge of what WOULD have happened if we followed the move. Maybe it wouldn’t have been OK. Maybe that would have been the move that benched us forever.
Be careful of conflating ‘Not following a potentially dangerous movement’ with ‘Not following’ or ‘Backleading’.
Backleading is going where I think the lead is going or where I want, regardless of the lead.
Not following in general is not connecting to the dance – period.
Not following a dangerous movement is our judgement call to protect ourselves.
Do not tell us that we are automatically backleading or not following the whole dance by not executing something unsafe. We have enough experience and skills to elect not to follow a specific movement without compromising the rest of the dance. We also can make mistakes and backlead one or two movements without being on constant autopilot. Do not assume it’s an all-or-nothing, where we either follow NOTHING or EVERYTHING.
Do you get every lead right? Doubt it. Do you sometimes abort movements that you’ve started? Yes, you do. We all exist in the middle. How would you like us to say “Well, you led these couple things wrong, so clearly you are a poor lead.”
Good follows are used to compensating for leads’ shortcomings all the time. Good leads are also used to compensating for our shortcomings and comfort zone. That’s what makes them great PARTNERS.
Yeah, we KNOW leads aren’t trying to hurt us!
“But he probably didn’t know!”
“But he probably forgot to adjust!”
“But he probably thought you were a beginner!”
Well, yeah, we assume that he’s not intentionally trying to hurt us. I’d be writing a seriously different angle if I thought there were leads out there relishing the opportunity to winch my shoulder. But really, when it comes to injury the outcome generally matters more than the intention. Rather than excuse the behavior by lauding his ‘good intentions’ or his ‘unawareness’, take a cue and realize that this is an issue that leads need to be educated about.
Realize and pay attention to make sure you are one of the considerate leads who adapt, just like great follows adapt to you. Meet us in the middle, and be aware of what you need to do to keep us safe. We know you’re not trying to hurt us – but all your good intentions to lead that cool move mean nothing if I end up with a torn shoulder ligament.
Listen to us – We’re Saying Something Important!
If you devalue our words and actions by saying that these negative experiences were somehow our fault, you are missing the point.
We don’t make ourselves feel unsafe in dance – someone else is, usually unintentionally. If it is because we are new, how does that somehow make it OK for us to be afraid? If we are experienced, why is it our responsibility to fight through the fear and do things that make us feel insecure? Why is this OK for you?
Why is it more important that leads get a follow who responds to everything than for follows get to feel safe in dance?
It’s not. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.
I totally agree that a leader has to understand the partner they are dancing with and react accordingly. This definitely does not mean that they should force their follower to do moves they don’t want to – for whatever reason. It is the followers prerogative to make that decision for themselves and the leader has to understand this.
The longer I dance, the more I react to my partner to figure out how they move and then lead accordingly. If its obvious that my partner is not comfortable with my lead, it is not for me to be upset and push harder to “Prove” that I know what I am doing. It is up to me to focus on creating an experience that they enjoy and, over time, those moves that seem so easy with some partners will work with them – or they won’t and that is ok too.
Dance is something I am passionate about because I enjoy it as a spiritual experience between me and my partner with balanced energy flow between us. Dance is not about my ability to control my partner. Each dance is wonderful in its own way and if I can turn someone who is nervous dancing with me into someone who can let go, that is an amazing feeling.
It took me a long time to understand these lessons and I only learned it because dance partners had the courage to talk to me about my leading when I needed to be gentler. I am so grateful for that feedback (even if I did not appear to be grateful at the time).
Thank you Laura for being such a patient teacher and for putting yourself out there with this site.
I truly appreciate this article. I’ve been dancing about 2 years. I don’t hesitate to let partners know this. What I rarely tell people who are not my regular partners is that 8 years ago I suffered a spinal cord injury. That I have only partial feeling on my right side, and that some of my leg muscles are paralyzed. I shouldn’t have to. I always reserve the right to protect myself. I have to. I love to dance. When I decline to do something my leader asks of me, it is never about him. It is never an issue of trust. It is always an issue of my own limits and respecting my body. If I am to continue to dance I have to protect myself. A lead who tries to force me outside my comfort zone could cripple me. Leads, I’d much rather dance in my comfort zone, and dance with you again, than to never dance with anyone again.
Trust me when I say, “it’s not you, it’s me.”
Leads need to remember that they are creating an experience for their partner as well as themselves.
Good dancing means making your partner feel comfortable and safe first – which they generally won’t if you’re doing moves they don’t know. And they absolutely won’t if you’re repeatedly and forcibly trying to do a move they just demonstrated they don’t know.
Creating a beautiful experience out of simple moves is far better than creating a chaotic experience out of flashy and difficult moves.
Perhaps there wouldn’t even be this discussion if all followers got together and made sure that leads are made aware that if they injure us we expect them to pay for our non ohip covered physiotherapy bills.
No leads hurt their follows intentionally.
Telling leads “you have to pay for this if you hurt me” does not help if the lead does not realize what they were doing is harmful.
Last article, Laura talked about telling a lead that the way he lead a move was painful. “Ouch” is a magical word that will get the vast majority of leads to back off because no one wants to hurt their partner.
The most important part of teaching the Texas Tommy, hammerlock turns, and other moves that are higher risk to the follow’s shoulders is empowering follows to speak up if they are getting hurt.
When they are alerady hurt it is kind of too late…
Before someone gets into a car to drive on a road shared by others they make sure that they have learned important safety rules. The attitude of leads “not realizing what they were doing” is exactly what gets a lot of followers into trouble.
If leads knew there were consequences to their “experiments” they would be less inclined to be reckless.
My injurer held my arms behind me while thrusting me forward. Several years and thousands of dollars later I still can’t dance the way I used to. In fact I can’t even put on a shirt the way I used to.
I am not saying all leads are irresponsible but there is usually no concern about the follower’s safety. I have since spoken up with every dancer that holds me too forcefully but still about 20% of these leaders are offended when I speak up. It is always a surprise when a leader hears me and adjusts.
Why this attitude that followers must always accommodate fragility of the lead’s confidence came from I don’t know. Perhaps there are fewer leads than followers so we accommodate them at our own peril.
Disagree – I’d say the most important part is to tell the leads that those moves should *not* require any force in the lead, and because of the risk to shoulders, they are moves that you should be ready to abort if there’s any indication that the follow isn’t comfortable.
Perhaps it’s worth defining and clarifying what a lead is. A lead is merely a suggestion. It is the leader’s action of indicating in which direction he wishes for the follow to go. It is not a command. Once she decides to accept5 the suggested direction, i.e., a side pass, it is her job to get there however she chooses, so long as she doesn’t interrupt the connection and the critical timing. It also means that she may syncopate if she chooses to. That does not mean she is hijacking. Whenever I syncopate through a side pass or other pattern, inexperienced leaders accuse me of hijacking.
THIS! this is something the great Frankie Manning said in every class I had with him. A lead is not an order, it is a suggestion.
It’s the followers’ prerogative whether to do it.
This! Absolutely this.
Two things I always try to focus on with leading, neither of them initially obvious: A lead is an invitation, never a demand. And the truest leading comes from following the follower.
I will say that there are certain times (dips, for instance) when the gap between invitation, rsvp, and taking over the move has to be *very* short. 😉 That’s more true for me in something like Kizomba, where moves come from direct partner connection, versus Salsa, where’s there’s a language of signal and response.
The key thing I’ve picked up here is that “Leads” aka “mostly males” need to learn “how” to lead safely and properly and clearly. If a girl doesnt follow your lead she either doesn’t know the step or you didn’t lead it properly so she couldn’t feel the lead. Guys also check with the girl if they are confident in doing something more advanced if they arn’t then DON’T lead them into it if they don’t know it or arn’t confident in doing it as it could go badly wrong. You don’t need to be rough at all when you lead a girl and the only reason you are rough is because you don’t keep your elbows bent – though not all girls do either – and you don’t have to yank on a girl’s arm to get her to follow your lead. Teacher’s don’t spend a lesson teaching you how to lead moves properly and safely for you to go and do your own thing afterwards or because they want to, they are teaching you how to be a safe lead that everyone will want to dance with because they feel comfortable dancing with you. If you choose not to listen in the class and do your own thing then don’t be surprised if girls won’t dance with you. Its not hard to do. I’ve grown up with partner dancing and out of the past 18 years I’ve been partner dancing I’ve also been teaching for 14 of those years. If I choose not to follow a lead it’s because I don’t feel comfortable with you leading me into that move or I don’t feel safe doing that move and I will abort the move. I have been hurt in the past due to someone not listening to the teachers in class properly then attempting a move unsafely resulting in me being injured and now I am very selective in who I dance with as I don’t want to be injured again plus I have to be able to teach and can’t do that if I am injured.
I agree totally, and I had a few of those experiences myself when leads trying to do very complicated moves that may be themselves still learning or think they know well.
As a dancer and a teacher myself one of my priorities is for everyone to enjoy when dancing, but always in a safe manner, hence I always teach them he correct way to position their hands and body when leading as to not hurt their partners. Both sides have to understand is not easy to lead, but it’s not easy to follow either.
If the follower can’t follow you, your leads aren’t very good. You need toTake more lessons, not the follower.
This! Is all the lead needs to know. Could not be summarized in fewer words. Thank you.
The lady who wrote the above clearly knows the dancing business and her thoughts are articulated clearly and eloquently. However, to evaluate the specifics of the situation I would have to first dance with her or be there watching the interaction between her and the partner she is describing. Dancing is a physical activity, what we feel, not what we present intellectually to others or ourselves. My usual objections to this kind of article is that they are almost always written from the perspective of a lady who is not happy with the men in her community or of a guy who teaches in such community and whose students are mostly ladies, because guys feel he is not that far above them. He wants to subtly praise his ladies and criticize guys to keep his business coming. It works,,,:). There is also the guy with the “white knight” syndrome, who always comes out in defense of women whatever the issue is, dancing Tango or anything else in life. The truth is, both partners are equally responsible for the dance and there are thousands of self appointed “advanced” ladies out there who have taken 1 or 2 lessons on fundamentals in their lives, yet they enroll in “advanced”classes for which they are clearly not ready, yet they proceed to take over the teacher’s role. Last but not least, Ken…your comment, as you phrase it, is utterly absurd. If it made any sense, that would mean that women are born knowing how to dance and would never need any lesson. It all depends on the situation and how much training either partner has had. If I am leading something that normally works well with about half the women I dance but does not with her…SHE needs more lessons, at least in reference to that situation. In reality, we ALL need more lessons ALWAYS.
What interaction would you have to assess? This response was in regards to attitudes indicating that women should follow everything – regardless of personal safety.
If you are talking about the dance described in the initial article, is irrelevant what my level is. I have a right to not do movements I feel are unsafe for me, regardless of what the guy is doing.
I was commending that lead for turning something unpleasant into a great experience – not bashing his level.
I think your sentiment about writing this kind of thing for business or to pump up ladies is not accurate. This is a big issue, with many follows getting hurt. It is not a criticism of leads – it is a criticism of attitude. It is not saying the ladies are fine and men need to catch up – it is talking about respecting the partner to make sure both people are OK during the dance.
So what you’re saying, Gabriel, is, “I refuse to take the author’s word or acknowledge her expertise in any way, I will only believe her experience if I see it myself, because only I am capable of judging the quality of a dance.”
Gabriel, you’re being a Danny.
Gabriel, it seems like you totally missed the point. Regardless of how many lessons a follower has taken, the leader, who is doing the actual leading, is responsible for the leading.
Followers instinctively try to get out of a dangerous situation to protect themselves. Way too often, instead of releasing the grip when this happens, the leader just grip tighter and try to complete the move, with an injured follower as the result. Both fingers and shoulder in some cases.
Gabriel, you said, “If I am leading something that normally works well with about half the women I dance but does not with her…SHE needs more lessons…”
I disagree with your other assertions, but just to stick to the math:
Leading a move successfully 50% of the time does *not* make you skilled. It doesn’t even make you lucky. 50% is what you expect from random chance.
Speaking for myself and the venues I dance in, I would not consider 50% to be anywhere near a threshold of competence. And I certainly wouldn’t use that poor showing to judge the adequacy of my followers.
My two cents.
Thank you, Laura, for an important essay.
My take on part of your article:
If a follower at any skill level – from beginner to pro – says (either verbally or through body language) that she doesn’t want to follow a move because:
(a) she is being hurt or
(b) she feels in danger of being hurt from an impending move,
she has no obligation to follow. If she says “no” to a move, NO MEANS NO – on or off the dance floor.
And gracious leads – at any level – will have no problem with this.
In tango, a couple become ‘one’. If the lead is not accepted/understood, the lead should adjust accordingly and continue dancing. I believe a ‘whisper’ lead with an open door will be followed because the space is provided. Dance to the music – enjoy.
Too many leads are rough and ladies need to defend themselves. A lead is an invitation to execute a movement. If a lady is uncomfortable they have a right to decline. Of course I believe too many ladies use this as an opportunity to start teaching men to dance (my pet peeve). The guy, at given moment, is giving you the best dance he can for his level of talent and training. If you feel unsafe say something…..if not keeping your mouth shut will get you more dances. Many women choose to speak up constantly and I conversely have the right to never dance with them again in the future. Too many women bark and complain to their leads and are amazed by the fact they sit so much because there aren’t enough good leads. Ladies need to value and nurture leads if they want to dance. This is coming from a lead who became accomplished in spite of women dancers. It is hard to learn to lead. That’s why women in South Florida pay for good leads.
This is a great article. I think there’s the complicated question of how to lead things that require momentum or weight sharing while respecting follows consent.
It’s really frustrating that you’re using lead follow nomenclature, and then re-gender them with pronouns. It really makes no sense to use this as a replacement for men/women. Please be inclusive of women who lead and men who follow by using the gender neutral pronoun they. Thanks
Hi Ouardane!
I understand what you mean about the inclusive pronouns. The reason I sometimes use gendered pronouns here is because the backlash I have received has been 100% from male leads. Hence, the gendered pronouns are more because of the specifics related to the feedback I’ve gotten here.
You have also gendered follows in your article. Do you have experience as a male follow, or have you talked with male follows that make you think that this experience doesn’t happen to us?
Let me be clear about that. I do think that it’s important to place this conversation in the context of consent, and of sexism. What I’m saying is that sometimes using lead/follow makes sense, when we want to talk about the roles. Sometimes using men/women makes sense when we want to talk about gender and power dynamics. And sometimes using male lead and female follow makes sense when we want to talk about the intersection. I feel like using lead/follow and then gendering the pronouns is re-gendering the roles. I’d encourage the use of a clearer terminology to really be both inclusive and clear about what we’re talking about. I have seen a lot of times the use of “follow” to mean women (not only in this article, but in the general discourse), and I think that defeats the point.
Hi Ouardane,
No, I do not have experience as a male follow. And you’re right; my assumptions in this article do not particularly take into consideration male follows who have had similar experiences.
You are absolutely right – I should clarify the terminology that I am using to illustrate intersections with sexism that are latent within this subject matter. Thank you for that, and I hope I will do better in the future clarifying these points. 🙂
Thanks for the article!!
For me, as a follower, it is absolutely okay, if I DON`T want to execute a certain move. No matter why. It should not be necessary to justify it by the risk of an injury!!
First thing to be taught to dancers is hand contact.Soft hands is must.Moves tend to flow much more easily. Followers shouldn’t be afraid to point this out to a less experienced lead.Remember we all started at the beginners level.
I honestly think that this has more to do with chivalry and tradition than anything else. This might be thought of as sexist, but I believe that the weaker sex should be treated more delicately, not just physically but also in terms of their emotions. I am an experienced lead and an intermediate follow. I am also a man, and I have noticed that I am not as afraid of following and being risky on the dance floor as most of the women I’ve taught. That’s ok, because the sexes are different. The men who are “jerks” in this article are acting like modern society has taught them: if there are no differences between the sexes, then their demands of women should be the same as for men. If a guy who you’re leading doesn’t do what you lead, the automatic response is usually to try and force it a little harder. Not the correct response with a woman, in my opinion, not only for physical health reasons, but also because one does not force a lady to do anything.
I don’t think there’s a physical difference in the anatomy which would make these types of movements any less dangerous for a male follow than for a female. It’s not about demanding the same thing as a man; a follow is a follow. It is true that female follows are USUALLY less physically strong – and therefore less able to resist strong leads – as most male follows, but that does not make it any safer for a male to follow a dangerously executed movement. Forcing it harder with a male follow is no more appropriate than with a female follow, and neither men nor woman should ever be ‘forced’ to do anything.
Also, female leads are just as capable of INFLICTING injury as their male counterparts… but since most females who lead also follow, they generally have a more clear idea of what actually DOES hurt.
Please don’t refer to us as more emotionally fragile… we aren’t. We don’t need to be treated ‘delicately’; we need to be treated as partners with an equal stake in the dance.
Body intelligence and communication through touch and movement is what most of us in western society have forgotten how to do. We have forgotten how to do it because we have ‘moved into’ our heads. Mention dance to the average European male and he will guffaw and cringe at the prospect of doing any without the influence of alcohol. So that means generally, even if we do dance, we are often left reduced to set moves and routines that become mechanical and lifeless despite the high tempo. The dance does not LIVE. We are afraid of intimacy in its broadest sense. Our dance is just a fixed routine. Many modern jive leads complain they have the same dance with everyone while we follows have a different dance with everyone. However, in my humble opinion, learning how to communicate through dance is not often taught in a dance class. Moves are. But communication and body awareness isn’t. I have had my arm twisted and yanked many a time as a follow, and I’ve lead follows who are not ‘listening’ to me nor responding to my attempts to lead so we are left with a dance that is hard work, heavy and difficult to be inspired by. The missing ingredient for me? No communication – that is, no eye contact, no awareness of each other, no awareness of the nuances of the music, in fact, no real dance is taking place. I would be happier on a zumba dance floor where I can fling my arms around in the safety of my own personal space than attempt to make meaningful communication with someone else. I loved your article though. You are very passionate about your dance. Me too. If I could improve anything in the dance world through teaching my blues class, it would be all about communication. I make sure we are ‘listening’ to our partners and that we build our own body awareness and body intelligence so that we can respond sensitively to each other.
Body intelligence and communication through touch and movement is what most of us in western society have forgotten how to do. We have forgotten how to do it because we have ‘moved into’ our heads. Mention dance to the average European male and he will guffaw and cringe at the prospect of doing any without the influence of alcohol. So that means generally, even if we do dance, we are often left reduced to set moves and routines that become mechanical and lifeless despite the high tempo. The dance does not LIVE. We are afraid of intimacy in its broadest sense. Our dance is just a fixed routine. Many modern jive leads complain they have the same dance with everyone while we follows have a different dance with everyone. However, in my humble opinion, learning how to communicate through dance is not often taught in a dance class. Moves are. But communication and body awareness isn’t. I have had my arm twisted and yanked many a time as a follow, and I’ve lead follows who are not ‘listening’ to me nor responding to my attempts to lead so we are left with a dance that is hard work, heavy and difficult to be inspired by. The missing ingredient for me? No communication – that is, no eye contact, no awareness of each other, no awareness of the nuances of the music, in fact, no real dance is taking place. I would be happier on a zumba dance floor where I can fling my arms around in the safety of my own personal space than attempt to make meaningful communication with someone else. I loved your article though. You are very passionate about your dance. Me too. If I could improve anything in the dance world through teaching my blues class, it would be all about communication. I make sure we are ‘listening’ to our partners and that we build our own body awareness and body intelligence so that we can respond sensitively to each other.
Hi Laura,
Thanks so much for this post, as well as the original post about the leader who reset the dance when you told him that he was not making you feel safe.
I wanted to continue the conversation on how dancers, especially leads, can shift their mindset in order to put their partner first. This week’s post on Practice-WCS focuses on being a good partner by the way that you think about the dance experience.
A Case in Point: Giana Montoya (instructor in Elegant Rumba, Fort Myers, Florida) who had a diagonal fracture in her palm/wrist (the worst kind) when a lead gave her a travelling turn and then rammed into her making her fall on her hand. She is an inspiration to me. One of those follows who gave all the leads a fair chance. But now when she comes back to dancing will she be the same again. To keep herself safe she will hold back her trust on the lead. I felt so sad when I came to know about this. Finally, all the leads, connection is the main lesson/technique for a social dancer and taking care of their partners the main responsibility.
They really should teach leads that leads are suggestions and guides. The lead suggests a right-hand-turn and help guide it along as the follower is turning. If the follower misses the signal or didn’t feel like turning, then the lead should roll with it. That makes the dance smoother than the other option: jerking her through the turn because she missed the signal. As a follower, yes, we should follow to the best of your abilities, but not when our comfort is compromised.
I would admit that it took me sometime and experience before I realized my rights as a follower. In the beginner, I assumed I just had to be grateful for the leads to show me something and that I had to suck it up and deal with it no matter how miserable I was feeling during the dance. With some experience under my belt, I realize I can make those simple requests “please no dips” or “please slow down” or “less force please” because that’s the extent of MY OWN abilities and the dance (usually) becomes quite pleasant after. That’s not a reflection of their danceability, I wish leads would understand that. The best leads are the ones that realize without my verbal cues, and leads that adapt to me when they hear them are on their way to be great leads. The ones that get offended… I won’t know because I wouldn’t want to dance with them again.
About followers being picky: I hope leads know that as follows – we already don’t get to choose the patterns or the moves we WANT TO DO because leads are leading and we are trying our best to follow. Please give us some space so that we at least get to choose what we do not want to do, or can not do.
Also, about adaption to the dance, I do mean to say that it should be expected from both and not just from leads. Followers can adapt to the lead as well besides just following. For instance, when dancing with a beginner lead, we don’t need to go off and do fancy footwork and spin ourselves but instead, keep in pace with the lead. If the lead is super high in energy and is wacky, it’s kinda fun to let yourself loose in a similar fashion. If the lead is very structured and elegant, try to move with the same poise and control.
A dance doesn’t belong to solely to the lead or the follow. It’s really a compromise and sharing between the two.