What if I told you that you have the power to make someone’s night awesome at nearly every social you attend?
Well, this is me telling you: Yes, you can. At every single event or social you attend, you have the power to make someone’s night amazing. You have the power to turn someone’s experience into something wonderful. You have the power to help someone turn an ‘off’ night into an ‘on’ night.
Best of all: it’s easy to do. It only takes 3 things:
- Your generosity,
- Your willingness to put aside ego, and
- A selfless dance.
Your generosity is your openness to the new. It’s your openness to accept an invitation from that person you’ve never met, or your desire to take that beginner in the corner under your wing. It is your openness to accept positive experiences and energy from the dancers around you.
Your willingness to put aside ego is setting aside your pride. It is when you do not blame your partner for a movement gone wrong. It is when you do not feel slighted when your partner is more of a beginner than you. It is when you do not roll your eyes at their misstep or missed connection.
A selfless dance is when you do not make the dance about you. Instead, it is when you make the dance about lifting your partner up. It is when you set aside your own insecurities and indignant moments to make your partner feel able to conquer the world.
You are best able to make the night of someone who is waiting for their night to be made.
The super-adored social dancer is not waiting for their night to be made by you; their night will be made by someone out of their throng of adoring partners – maybe you, maybe not.
The beginner, sitting in awe and terror, is waiting for their night to be made. They know they have fewer skills to offer – aside from a desire to not let you down. They are waiting for someone like you to make their night.
The dancer giving you attitude is not waiting for their night to be made by you; they are waiting for their night to be made under a very specific set of standards that they don’t anticipate you fulfilling.
The person who is shy or knows no one is waiting for their night to be made. They are waiting for someone to take a chance on their dance, and are deeply hoping that the person will be OK with their dance.
The attendee seeking to pick up that cute dancer is not waiting for their night to be made by your dance; their night will be made by making a successful romantic connection.
The person who is rarely asked to dance is waiting for their night to be made. Maybe they don’t fit the ‘image’ of a dancer, or maybe they don’t look great when they dance. Maybe there is something intangible that drives partners from them. They are waiting for someone like you to make their night (provided that you will not be injured or traumatized by something that they do during a dance.)
You can make a night through words or actions.
You can make a night by complimenting the person. A follow can make another follow’s night through kind words alone – the same is true for leads. You can make a more advanced dancer’s night by telling them what a pleasure the dance was. You can make a beginner’s night by giving them confidence through an honest compliment.
There’s a pro I know who tells literally every follow he dances with that the dance was ‘very good’, and thanks them. The amount of follows I’ve seen with giant smiles plastered on their faces for hours is fantastic. He single-handedly makes all those follows – regardless of level – feel awesome because he says it in such a genuine way. #MakesEveryonesNight
You can also make a great professional’s night by complimenting them on something specific – or even non-dance related. They are people too, and every person I’ve ever met feels great after a genuine compliment.
You can make a night through actions. You can make a beginner’s night by making them dance at a level they never thought they could. You can give that shy person the dance of a lifetime by holding onto them for even one more song than average, showing how much you enjoy dancing with them. You could make someone’s day brighter by giving them the comfortable, connected dance they need.
You can make your friend’s night by giving them the safety and comfort to hone that social dance skill they’re working so hard to improve. You can give that from-another-style-but-knows-how-to-move dancer that awesome, musical, free dance that makes them feel like they actually belong at that social.
You can make someone’s night every time you go to dance. You just have to want to.
Know a dancer who makes people’s nights awesome? Share the article with them, and tag them as someone who #MakesEveryonesNight! (Maybe you’ll even make their day 😉 )
Photo Credit: SV Photography
Great article.
I had my confidence knocked early on by dancing with a lead who, even when I said that I’d only been dancing a term kept on doing moves I’d never come across. (But at least he didn’t leave me on the dance floor that has happened to several people I know).
A great leader adjusts to the skill of the follow and when I don’t do it right, adapts so it works. And I expect a great follow compensates for a hesitant lead.
18 months on I’m much happier to get up and dance and I make sure to tell leads when they have been a pleasure to dance with. Rob was excellent on Saturday, I’m going to tag him!
Great article–LOVED it!
One thing I like to keep in mind when dancing with beginners is a quote I read from some champion dancer (I don’t recall his name or dance style) who said, “When you see me dance with a beginner, the only thing you’ll be able to tell about my own dance level is that I’m a very good beginner.”
How wonderful! To see the thoughts and feelings of ‘newbie’ dancers in print! ! I have been…and continue to be that person. My confidence was ruined by an experienced dancer early on in my dancing life. ….having plucked up the courage to ask for a dance and having explained that I was new, I was refused. Now years later, learning a new style brings back that memory and makes me fearful. Lovely dance people. …We all need a help along the way.
This is a fantastic article. I got into social jive and salsa about 25 years ago now and boy what a wonderful time i have had. I have danced with many many people over that 25 years and I feel very blessed. Dancing is my happiness in life and i love to share that with everyone i dance with.
Wonderful article. Remembering this could make everyone into a great dancer!
Love this post. It’s so true.
As a reasonable dancer this is what I want from a dance and what I hope to give my partners. It really does make you feel good to see them go off happy. And makes you feel disheartened when someone accepts a dance then ignores you when dancing or looks you up and down before grudgingly accepting.
Emma
Excellent article!
So true love this article .
❤️
Really important and well-written article with real depth and insight! Every dancer should read this.
It’s very inspiring and very true. Thank you, Laura <3
Great article and so true..! Having been refused a gazillion times as a beginner, I know what it means to be waiting for that lucky break of having a great feeling after a dance. Many followers just want to have a dance where they only have to follow, so for leadingnewbies it’s beyond stress.. After you’re getting better you can sense exactly which dancer has that wrong attitude so you can avoid them and you start to understand what your role can be to make a dance one of the greatest dances of the night! You’re petrified as a beginner to start, to coast, to enjoy and to end a dance, something that might be hard to imagine… But luckily we have enough dancers capable to take their inexperienced partners by the hand and give them that magical feeling that they actually belong…!
Whenever I ask for a partner to dance with me as a beginner I always get a sorry reply cause I am a bad dancer.Thats y I always get dejected
If I go to a dance I want to have fun.
I dont go there to just try to please others…
Sensible subject among people (read dancers) with low thoughts of them self…
Don´t see anyone has a differenrt opinion, Is they not welcome to say something?
Or is it cencured?
Scenario…
Saturday evening.
You are in the mood för dancing…
You Pay to get in to a dance, to have fun.
Then You just sit down and wait for everyone else to make you happy??
What about responsibility against yourself?
Is it not up to everyone to choose the way to have a good night?.