I was honestly not expecting such an overwhelming response to my article on dance addiction. It caught me completely off-guard. From the responses, it’s clear that the article resonated with a lot of social dancers – and for that, I’m glad.
But, what I want to address here are the people who felt like I was attacking the fact that dance has been a positive influence in their lives. I received several messages from people who highlighted how dance made them less lonely and more connected. On how it replaced superficial friendships with real ones. On how it gave life purpose, and illuminated faulty career choices.
The article was not designed for you.
If dance is enriching your life and giving you friends and passion, you’re doing it right. That’s what a fantastic hobby is supposed to do. That’s what it almost always does for me – and for the majority of the people who dance.
But, we must acknowledge that great things don’t always function as desired. There is a significant portion of the hardcore dance community who struggles with feelings of loneliness, isolation, and escapism. According to a study published on dance addiction, 11% of dancers surveyed found that dance created conflict in their life.
Dance, like any great hobby, can swerve into an unhealthy addiction in a minority of people. Just like exercise. Just like healthy dieting. Just like skiing. Just like almost anything that gives us happy feelings.
And yes – technically, dance itself is not ‘to blame’ for dance addiction. Usually, there are pre-existing conditions that make people more likely to have an unhealthy relationship with dance. But, we can’t just ignore our fellows who are at risk.
Yes, sometimes dance exposes flaws that were pre-existing. But, if it becomes an addiction, it can also ruin perfectly good careers and relationships. And, if dance takes away everything and you decide to stop, what do you have left?
When we don’t talk about how to engage with dance in a healthy way, we put people at risk. When we don’t help people understand the importance of interpersonal connection and dance-life balance, we put people at risk of falling too deep too quickly.
None of this negates how much good dance does in the overwhelming majority of cases. It’s perfectly rational to understand that dance can be used as a maladaptive coping mechanism in extreme cases, while still appreciating its impressive positive powers.
Dance can help slow things like Alzheimers. It can help people who are depressed or suffer from social anxiety. It can help people live a healthy, active lifestyle. It keeps your body young, and many dancers make life-long friendships in the scene.
There’s so much good in dance. Let’s make sure that all dancers understand how to make dance a positive force in their lives – rather than a negative.
I can honestly say I started dancing three years ago and I went through a ballroom dancing phase at the beginning.
I quickly learned that it’s all about the money and appearances . and for me it created disingenuous relationships .and
too many damn rules . it was
ridiculously superficial .
I realize this is not healthy then I found the Salsa group and have never thought of going back to ballroom dancing . The Latin dance group is 100% genuine and excepting and there’s no money involved .
.
I have to disagree a little about Ballroom restrictions, etc. There are no laws how to dance. It is just up to you. And that applies to the ballroom too. I hate all the same things as you “appereances, too many damn rules, fixed variations trained to perfection…” – yet I love and enjoy ballroom. I just dont go to the competitions, I do them social style (there are places and people in my area for this) and I go to teachers who can respect that. If you approach it this way, ballroom is dance as any other. And you can do anything you like in them, the way you like it.
Thank you, it is a very valuable article. I have danced for 5 years now and love it, never thought of any other dance style. But as you wrote here, it requires some effort and wisdom to take it slowly, not everything at once! You can take the best out of it and still keep some life balance. It is not a hobby for everyone, for sure, but it is a journey, moving us to other dimentions, discovering our creativity, musicality, and unknown places of our soul. For me it was also a fantastic way to relax, after a stressful week at work, and I really reccomend dance as a treatment for everyone. It is though important to control: how much time overall you spend on it. If you drop everything, have no time for friends, or to tidy up your flat, don’t sleep enough or stop eating healthy food – you need a break! 🙂 Abrazos!
> When we don’t help people understand the importance of … dance-life balance
There is a myth out there that everyone must have this abstract “life” separate from work and fun, and if you don’t have this “life” then you are a failure. This myth is harmful and makes people doubt themselves if they are being happy the right, socially approved way. Let’s not proliferate this myth.
I understand what you’re getting at, but I look at it differently. It’s about finding the balance that works for you. For some people, dance afford avenues to balance. But, some people are all-dancing at the expense of happiness. That is where the balance for that person is out of line.
I don’t really disagree with the articles, just with the language. 🙂 It pains me to think that some people would quit or dance less just because of “doing it too much and too much is not good”.
I think this dangers you found in dance can be related to all or almost all hobbies… I would go as ar to say that social dancing is maybe THE hobbie with least chances for you to end up alone. IT can happen? Yes, but its like screaming to people n a village “i you come to the city you might be attacked by wolfs” it can happen? Yes, but its more likely that it will happen where you at right now (in the village). I’ve been dancing for 7 years, I dont hang with friends from outside of the dance community cause I dont have enought time to do everything I would like with the ones from dance. Even some from dance I dont hang out with anymore. I can honestely say that the social part of dance is the best part. I love the music and the dancing but nothing compares with the amazing people I’ve met so far. If you dont have social problems in your life outside the dancing, you will probably wont have it in the dancing scene as its easier to meet, talk and connect to people in dance. But anyway, that’s just my opinion.
Thank you so much for this great heads-up!
Great articles, both of them!
There is another dark side for me. I started dancing with my then-wife. She had danced for some time and kept encouraging me to come along. I did. It was great – I loved it. We danced together and it made tremendous sense. Then it turned out that our connection was not so good, she wanted to be with some else and she left me. That happens. It’s sad and I thought I’d get over it. And, mostly, I have. But just sometimes, when I see her again at class, or when certain songs play (especially ones that talk about how lovely and long-lasting a relationship is), I am struck down by a terrible, black despair. Which I have to hide, when someone comes up and asks me to dance. Those times, well, dance feels like a torture.
I’m so sorry you went through that.
One thing I would encourage you to remember is that you’re always able to say ‘no’ to a dance. If a song is too painful, you’re allowed to say ‘no’ and grab a dance later instead.
I want to thank you for bringing to light something that I’d never contemplated of before. Definitely food for thought.
Bravo! This is one of the best articles on social dance I’ve ever seen!
I became addicted to dance when I was in college, taking beginning classes in modern dance, jazz and ballet, but, of course, I was too old to be any good. A few years ago, my love of Latin music introduced me to social dancing. I jumped in head first, falling in love with everything – the music, the dance, the culture, the social benefits and even politics. As a political activist, I was excited to learn about the social commentary and defiance that characterize so much Latin music.
I promptly hit a brick wall. I discovered that I’m apparently the only person in the U.S. who gives a damn about the culture, and merely mentioning the word “politics” is poison. Most amazing of all, I discovered that my dance scene is actually ANTI-SOCIAL. Of course, I live in Gothic Seattle, a city that really doesn’t have much of a social scene to begin with, but many of my observations appear to apply to dance scenes far and wide.
For a while, I wondered if I was losing my mind. No one agreed with my comments. I and a salsa DJ based in Cali, Colombia who weren’t big fans of the North American salsa scene were eventually banned from a salsa forum. That’s when things got really weird.
One of my biggest antagonists on the forum turned out to be a local instructor and promoter posting pseudonymously as a “salsa student.” He all but called me a liar. But after I was banned, he confessed that he was driving to Vancouver, Canada to find women to dance with! He later announced that Seattle’s salsa scene had collapsed and was virtually dead!
Have you seen the video “Politics of Rhythm” @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XXe2sVZP3g
It confirms that politics, in the broad sense of the term, IS (or at least was) an important part of salsa. As they say, music died in the 70’s – and I think social dance died with it. Though I remain addicted to Latin music, you couldn’t pay me to try social dancing again unless I was able to move to a Latin American country with a real, community-based dance scene.
However, I’ve developed a new interest – dance psychology. There are so many intriguing questions! There has to be a reason 90-95% of beginning salsa students drop out.
One thing I noticed is that the nicest women I met were beginners. As you climb the ranks, they get snottier and snottier. Seattle’s biggest jerks tend to be instructors (the most obnoxious lady I ever danced with became an instructor!), club owners and promoters – the people who control the scene. And they control it in the same manner as politicians, with false advertising, propaganda and manipulation. It’s amazing how many players are Microsofties or attorneys. Seattle’s best known instructor is widely reviled as a lounge lizard and worse behind the scenes – but no one will talk about him in public. Actually, I was the first to blow the whistle on him, and I was amazed at his ability to recruit people to rally behind him and even lie about him. Salsa does have a dark side, and I’ve just scratched the surface.
I recently saw a video where the most famous salsa instructor said salsa has become an Olympic sport. I think that hits the nail on the head. It isn’t a social event; it’s a competition, and nice people are quickly weeded out, a process that might be loosely called the ballroomization of salsa.
It’s cool that dance has mental benefits, supposedly helping fight Alzheimers and making people a little smarter to boot. Combine that with the fact that many Latin dancers are bilingual and are widely traveled, and you’d expect them to be not just really intelligent but compassionate and empathetic with people around the world.
Instead, they appear to be amazingly narrow-minded – and sometimes amazingly dense. The salsa forum I was banned from is very right-wing, and some of their comments are utterly bizarre. For example, one of the many members who likes to condemn the Cuban Revolution (while conveniently ignoring the U.S. embargo that has hurt Cuba so bad) says what Cuba really needs is McDonalds. Another thought it would be wonderful to watch Obama dancing the rumba in Cuba – even while innocent people are still being tortured at Guantanamo???
I’ve come to see social dance in the U.S. as a freak show – littlel more than a series of robot conventions manipulated by commercial and political interests – to be studied from a distance.
In fact, I’m thinking of writing a book on dance politics, but it’s very difficult researching it, partly because no one wants to talk about it. Apparently, no one dares challenge the salsa priesthood. (There are only TWO comments on the Politics of Rhythm video, which was published in 2009!) In that respect, social dance is an example of art imitating life.
I’ll definitely bookmark your article, which confirms so may of my observations.
Thank you for these articles. I’ve gone through dark sides this autumn, when trained dancing 5-6 times a week, not near home, and also worked far away from home. I’ve trained swing styles with a nice guy and thought, well, i really don’t have anything else in my life but him, but maybe it’s enough for now, we can talk together and he takes my loneliness away when we dance. Situation however has changed after a couple of competitions. We think differently about dance and have different motivations towards training. We start fighting more easily at dance hall, and more and more often both of us leave from hall feeling down. If I had kept also some other things important in my life but only dance, this perhaps wouldn’t happen. Now I think of quitting competing and finding some real social connection in my life.
I read your article about the dark side of dancing addiction and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Since dancing Brazilian Zouk for almost 5 years, I have done privates with some of the big name instructors, visited way too many congresses, even danced at some international local scene for fun. During the 5 years, I have only taken 4 separate breaks, which only lasted a month. I have experienced so many emotions, whether it was happiness, sadness, frustration, anger, despair at some point. Put it this way, Brazilian Zouk has been an integral part of my life.
Unfortunately I have been thinking about the costs it inflicted, and I agree with what you say, about the cost of dismantling previous social circles and some psychological backlash due to dance being an escape.
I do not not know whether you will agree with my points I will highlight here, and if you agree, I would be most appreciative if you can expand on this point.
I believe the greatest enemy a passionate dancer can face is being too good for their own good. What I mean is that when a dancer becomes so good and confident, they become egotistical and too confident. This is the extreme cases. They may know so much about the dance, to the point of being delusional. They feel that they are powerful, but reality is it only applies to the dance. Sure, upside is that they can feel confident dealing with outside life, but I do feel that they use this zealous feeling, and this is where cliques happen in dancing. They only hang out with the cliques, looking down on others and and thinking they are amazing. Heck they would probably just stick to their known dance partners at congresses because they want this amazing dance with their cliques and not explore.
Of course this happens everywhere in dancing, and there are countermeasures (Usual philosophy of there’s more to learn, more to explore etc etc). Unfortunately, it is up to the individual to decide for themselves on how to handle it, and no matter the advice and encouragement, I do feel it is up to the individual to retrace their passion. This dark side can happen to any dancer, no matter who it is.
All I can say is as a Brazilian Zouker and you may apply this to other dances like salsa or bachata, these dances are social dances. The dance itself came from communities to communicate and have fun. And for those who think they are on level with the teachers they learned from; these teachers lived dancing throughout their entire life. That is their passion and their life. I will never understand their sacrifice and commitment to their profession and that is something I respect from them. Point is as long as dancers treat it as a social dance and use it to communicate with others and expand their horizons, I think that is the way to prevent them falling to the dark side of the dance.
You are a fantastically lovely writer. Love both this and the first piece.
I find this subject quite interesting. I’ve danced all my life starting with ballet at the age of 5, and have been training seriously for ballroom for the last three years. Throughout these three years in New York, I have met an amazingly supportive group of women of all ages and experiences who turned out to be some of the closest friends I ever had. Ballroom dancing has connected me with people, taught me a great deal of life lessons, given me the opportunity to challenge myself, and grow as a human being. However, being in the competitive ballroom world, everything is based on ranking and placement. It is important to place well if your career also happens to be ballroom. But for me, it’s a dream to become the best dancer that I can be. I realized that for me its not about becoming the world champion, instead its the feeling of being a world champion everyday, and perhaps its with this approach that I really will be a world champion!
I had to find out what the feeling of success means to me personally. For me, it meant feeling connected with people around me, passionate, balanced, appreciative, and the feeling of constantly growing and learning. I aim to feel these feeling everyday, and it reminds me that this is my actual dream! It is the world champion of good feelings that nobody can give me a big trophy for other than life itself being the greatest reward. With that said, I’ve witnessed way too many people who may still be trying to reach for the materialistic and external goals of rankings and placement which mostly makes them stressed and disconnected from reality.
On the other hand, I have to admit that I am extremely devoted to my art of ballroom dancing to a point of practicing with pain, living with a partner, spending less time on work, and even splurging a lot of money on dance lessons and competition. It may be irresponsible, but my passion is so strong that it makes me do these not so logical and rational things for the sake of satisfying my hunger to learn more and improve. After reading this article, it brought more me more awareness of the decisions that I have made out of sudden spurs of passion.
Overall, I would say that I am quite happy and thankful, but sometimes I do questions some of the things that I do in order to achieve my dreams of becoming the best dancer that I believe I can me. With that being said, I think that when it comes to realizing a dream, one must take risks that are out of their comfort zones in order to learn from their experiences and see what happens. All this is a process of learning about life and understanding yourself. I would say that all these dance addiction, as long as you are coming to awareness of it, there is nothing wrong with making a mistake and growing from it. If you are addicted to dance and its causing your life to spiral out of control, and you just realized it, congratulations! Your realization, is now giving you an incredible opportunity to grow as a person and gain insight into life. Perhaps now, you can regain active control of your life and live even fuller and more present. Perhaps now you realize that some things need to change. Perhaps you realize that what you are doing is risky, but you are willing to take the risk and go with it with faith and positivity, and perhaps you can re-evaluate your situation in a year to see the good and the lessons learned, that is how I see my life currently.
Yes, I am taking a huge risk by giving so much of myself to the art of ballroom dancing and some things I am doing are quite inconvenient and not the most economical, but I choose to do it out of faith and feeling good. As long as I feel good, or in another words inspired and motivated, then the rest of the actions I do even the not so rational actions in dance and in other aspects of my life starts to flow in alignment, it’s quite a spiritual feeling. Nothing can be perfectly the way you want it to be, so a little bumps along the road is welcomed on my street, as long as I can grow from it and still feel good everyday by actively focusing on the good things in my life and thinking big picture, not zooming in on the little details of imperfection and expectations.
I have never been professionally trained at any level or participated in any sort of group or class. Anyhow, I have felt almoust every simptom mentioned on the “dark side”. Think so… :’)
All in all thanks for the original post and the follow up. I was starting to go mad ’cause I couln’t control myself and I started having crazy almoust panic attack like sensations which I ussualy enjoy but this was going a little bit too farr.
After reading this I realised all is good and now I enjoy myself not being able to stop my body from moving when I hear good rythm.
Dancing is healthy when u know how to use it. 🙂