Have you ever gone to an event, and seen that girl?

She’s hot. She’s dressed sexy. Her make-up is all done up. To top it all off, she gets asked to dance by all the desirable leads… all night long. There’s only one issue: She can’t dance.

Instead of dancing, what she’s doing is flirting with all those leads and using her looks to get dances. She can’t dance; she just looks sexy. She doesn’t even bother to take classes!

If only leads weren’t so shallow in their dance choices, they’d be dancing with a real dancer instead.


Snap out of it.


Most people I know who attend events go there to have a fun time and dance. That includes the Hot Girl Who Can’t Dance.

She’s Not Malicious

I doubt there’s many girls (if any) who go to a dance event thinking “let me use my sexy body and flirting skills to trap all the advanced leads around me.”

I’m pretty sure she wanted to look good if she’s dressed up, and she might be hoping a winning personality can make up for the fact that she’s not a pro dancer. But, at the end of the day, she’s at the event for the same reason as everyone else: to dance.

I can guarantee you there’s one thing she’s definitely not trying to do. She’s not out to make your night miserable, or take all your good dances. If she knew what people were saying about her, she’d probably also be very hurt.

It’s Not Just Her

Even if she is out to dance with the advanced lead all night long, does it really matter? It’s not exactly like her partners are complaining. If they didn’t like what was going on, wouldn’t they leave after the 3rd dance?

When we see two dancers who are getting along really well, it’s because they like hanging around each other. If those leads didn’t want to dance with her, they wouldn’t. Maybe she’s a lovely person. Maybe she actually is quite talented and easy to dance with. Or, maybe they are having a great ‘connection’.

She Probably Didn’t Ask For It

Many leads instigate the behavior that the Hot Girl gets chewed out for. For example, there are plenty of guys who single out a new, attractive young girl. It’s very possible that she was standing there minding her own business – until that super-desirable advanced lead asked her for a dance.

You know what she may be thinking? She may be feeling super flattered that an advanced lead is paying attention to a beginner girl at her first event.  She may think that she has some sort of ‘talent’ that the guy sees in her. But, once again, she’s not out to ‘steal’ all the ‘good leads’.

Her only ‘crime’ is dancing with someone we wanted. That’s our problem, not hers.

Compounded Problems: Talent

When a girl shows up who really ‘looks good’ on the floor despite ‘not knowing how to dance’ that style, it compounds the backlash. When a hot girl is ‘talented’ but perceived as ‘not working hard enough’ or ‘being too flirtatious’, she tends to get judged harshly.

This is jealousy. We can (and should) rise above those feelings. While they are natural, it’s also important to not let it get the better of us. You’d be surprised how much some of those new, ‘talented’ girls look up to the more experienced dancers in the scene – regardless of level.

If you give respect out, you are very likely to receive respect in return.

Reworking the Judgement

Most of the time, the judging that we do of the Hot Girl Who Can’t Dance stems from jealousy. After all, it can feel very unfair that someone who put in less work gets dances with better leads. It feels like a perfect dance world means that hard work = dance desirability.

But, it’s not a perfect world. We’re dealing with people. In many ways, personal chemistry has more to do with desired dance partners than skill level.

We need to recognize that dance desirability isn’t always directly related to hard work. It’s affected by our personalities, background, physical abilities, and sometimes also our appearance. The ‘Hot Girl Who Can’t Dance’ isn’t exempt from this. She simply has other traits which attract a different partner.

This means that for every guy that enjoys partnering the Hot Girl Who Can’t Dance, there are those who enjoy partnering the Connection-Over-Looks Dancer or the Super-Nice Dancer.

Instead of focusing on the partners the Hot Girl gets, we should adjust our lens to focus on the dances we can get. How do we work on our own dance desirability? What are our goals?

No matter what, the answer is never found on talking badly about that Hot Girl Who Just Wants to Dance.