My dance heart is something very precious to me, and only a select few partners every get to keep a part of it. Those dancers I remember forever; the moments danced with them are permanently blazed in my memory. So, how did they do it?
1. They smiled when they asked/accepted. It set the tone for something kind and lovely.
2. They took the time to connect to me. They spent time sensing what exactly I responded to in a partner before jumping into the dance.
3. They didn’t rush the music. Instead, they felt the music keenly and connected my movements to the music.
4. They were gentle; light but firm touches guiding me where I had to go (or an easy response to my lead), rather than forcing me with their strength.
5. They kept me safe – both in how they partnered me and keeping an eye on the dance floor around me. My favourite partners never
6. They covered for me when I made mistakes. Because of this, no mistakes got in the way of our dancing.
7. They tried being creative. Musically and movement-wise, my favourite dancers have always had a little something “extra”.
8. They wanted more as much as I did. There is nothing better than a partner who loves dancing with you, and is not shy about their desire for Round #2 (or 3 or 4…).
9. They didn’t demand more off the dance floor; if it happened, it happened naturally. My favourite dancers do not press beyond my comfort level, but are open to developing avenues for friendship.
10. They didn’t literally stink. Cleanliness issues would otherwise have ruined all of the lovely things that can arise from such a wondrous dance.
Have any other dancers had partners who took home a piece of their dance heart? How did they do it? Leave your thoughts in the comments!
My quick list (your list reminds me of various points):
1. As a shy guy, and when I was much newer to a particular dance style (and somewhat intimidated by all of the good dancers), the first lady to do the less expected and ask me to dance when at an event. It also helps that they seemed to enjoy the dance.
2. The ones that, not only sought out the dance connection, but relaxed into it, and so I couldn’t help but also relax. Which ironically, made me more aware, sensitive, and able to quickly react to changes in the connection. And as a bonus, has often lead to moments of, “How did that happen!? How do we do that again?”
3. The follows that also felt the music, and added their musicality to the dance. Sometimes it was an addition within a movement, in a gap between movements, or even a highjack. The most memorable one to me was one that didn’t maintain a clear and rigid lead/follow dynamic, but it flowed back and forth, often in a co-lead (or perhaps a co-follow?) feel, but without any backleading.
4. The ones who made leading feel effortless. They usually were among those who feel as light as a feather (irrespective of what the scale might say), but also applying counter-balance at the right times.
5. The follows that also maintain awareness of what’s around them (when applicable), who have prevented collisions from occurring that were outside my field of view (behind me) when I thought the space was open..
6. Those who, when a mistake was made by either one of us, used the unexpected movement to continue with something instead of tensing up and causing a hiccup in the dance.
7. Those who, at the end of an enjoyable dance, request or accept a request for another round. Or even better, the feeling of coming to a rest within the connection in the gap between songs, where a request for another dance didn’t need to be verbalized by either person (given the community’s culture of switching partners after every song).
They opened up to me emotionally when dancing. Really LIVED what was being expressed in the music. Connected, were comfortable, had musicality, gave ALL their attention and enabled me to give all my attention so nothing else existed.
My dance heart goes to women who look and smile at me while we are dancing, but do not comment every mistake I make. I love to dance just for this moment, nothing else matters but us. Then we are connected to each other and the Music; it’s like magic.
The ladies who I will dance with, time and time again are the ones who:
1: Paid no attention to mistakes – my own or theirs. Instead we silently acknowledged them and we transitioned mistakes into something else.
2: Committed themselves fully to the moment and sensed each other’s needs.
3: I can sense are enjoying the dance by smiling, breathing, squeezing my hand or snuggling into my close embrace.
4: Thanked me for the dance, regardless how it went!!!
5: Weren’t afraid to ask me for a dance 🙂
Argentine Tango Leader
– Manny
Your list is sound and it echoes my sentiments too. Just a few more things to add:
1) I remember the leads I danced with when I was a beginner and they were so patient and kind to dance at my level and challenged me gently with newer movement. They continued to ask even after knowing that I really could’t do too much on the dance floor yet. I don’t know if they recognize me after I got significantly better, but I do.
2) Leads that just take it easy… they have fun, ignore my mistakes, and I feel I can take the liberty to move however I feel like and drop the technicalities and formalities because they are being so easy going and ‘crazy’.
I may add that it’s important to be aware of cultural differences as well. In Argentina, if a woman dances with a man more than once, it means the woman is willing to become far more intimate. I was aware of this when taking my daughter and her friend to Buenos Aires. I encouraged them to never dance with any partner more than once. My daughters friend thought this silly and danced over and over with one young man. She was also naive enough to give our local phone number. He called every day for three weeks straight even though she told him she wasn’t interested. 🙂