Generally speaking: the stronger a dancer gets, the larger their ego becomes. Very often, the speed of ego expansion surpasses their actual dance growth. As the ego grows, it’s also a potential side-effect that the speed of dance growth will slow, and that they will become a toxic dance presence.
Who is at Risk?
All dancers are at risk of developing Dance Ego Syndrome, but you may be at an elevated risk if you fall into one of the following categories:
- Have been dancing more than 1 year
- Are no longer taking dance classes
- Are popular with dancers of the opposite or same gender
- Are frequently told you “look good” by other dancers
- Have a high dance ambition level
- Are considered to be a fast learner, or ‘naturally talented’
- Got the bulk of your instruction through YouTube, or other video devices
- Are considered physically attractive to the other dancers in your dance scene
Of course, falling into a category also does not guarantee that a dancer will develop DES, but the dancer must watch their ego carefully.
What are the Symptoms of Dance Ego Syndrome?
- Beginning to teach before ready, or before being trained by a professional
- Teaching and failing to upkeep professional development
- Taking advanced classes before ready, and focusing on patterns over technique
- Being overly critical of other dancers, and unable to accept constructive criticism of their own dancing
- Blaming others for a “bad dance” and/or being unable to have fun with a lower level dancer
- Feeling superior in a class setting
- Not taking advantage of opportunities to better their dance
How can a Dancer Prevent or Heal Dance Ego Syndrome?
By taking advantage of every opportunity to learn.
Never feel you are “too advanced” for a basic class, or that you are so competent you will get nothing out of attending a workshop on safety or technique. This is a key to stagnation in dance.
Recently, my partner and I taught a free Safety Workshop for our community. Online, the entire community was readily sharing/re-posting and commenting on what a great initiative was, and we had a great turnout.
But… missing were some of the people in the community who were very vocal about the workshop online, and/or those who needed it most. Many of those who felt their dancing was not “risky” do, in fact, engage in some of the behaviors we were trying to correct. By keeping ego in check and taking advantage of learning opportunities, you can only ever grow.
By focusing on their own learning in class, rather than the level of other dancers.
I have heard of and, occasionally, seen dancers who are far more concerned about everyone else in class rather than themselves. When you do this critique of others, you slow your own learning. If your partner is bad, work on how you can compensate the movement. If they’re too fast, work on following even if your partner is on time. This way, you will only ever grow, and your ego will recognize that by focusing on your own learning, you can see the holes in your own dancing and keep any burgeoning superiority crises under control.
By honestly assessing and asking for feedback on their actual dance level from professionals.
Social dancers are great, but unless they are a teacher-level dancer who can feel how you dance, they’re probably not the best qualified to give feedback. Even if every social dancer tells you that your dancing is amazing, there are likely still holes. Seek your feedback from the Pro’s, who are in a position to give you honest feedback on your progress. It’s very tempting to listen to all of the “you’re amazing”‘s and ignore the “this is not there yet”‘s, but doing so sabotages yourself and fosters an unrealistic ego.
By recognizing the areas they need to focus most on for improvement (particularly connection).
It is not easy to take critique and swallow the areas of dance that you need to work on, but it’s a surefire way to keep your ego in check. If someone gives you feedback (especially a professional), barring certain exceptions you should recognize there may be something there.
I pride myself on my ability to emote and perform, but I also have occasionally received feedback specifically in relation to unclear dramatic presentation. It would be very easy to write this off as “oh, well, they just didn’t get it”… but underneath, if they “just didn’t get it”, I didn’t do my job as well as I should have. Being able to take this feedback is critical to containing ego and moving forward as a dancer.
By reminding themselves that they are no better or worse than any other dancer in the room.
It is tempting view a less experienced dancer as less-than, but try to see beyond ego and recognize that every person in the room with you has different skills. You may be among doctors, lawyers, concert violinists, accountants, and auto repair geniuses. It wouldn’t be very nice in their area of comfort if they treated you like an idiot or inferior human.
Let your ego recognize that, while this may be your home, they have other skills you can learn from and other attributes. Even on the dance floor, if it is a strong dancer aspire to be like them. If they are struggling but really trying, admire their will in learning something that for some is incredibly tough. If they are doing this for fun, recognize that they have a rich enough life that this hobby is a fun, relax time… and admire that they still carve the time out to come out and share this love with you.
A dancer is not solely valuable because of their surface dance ability. At the center, all of us are multifaceted. I’m a law student, theatre technician, dance instructor, and absolutely horrible figure skater. I’m really glad that no one judges my worth on my skating skills, and hope that in dance we can set our dance ego’s aside to value other dancers as people.
In Conclusion:
If we keep our minds awake, we can prevent and reverse Dance Ego System. Spread the word, and remember:
Keep Dancing, Stay Happy, and Be Dance Humble 🙂
This advice is Evergreen. Self inspection is paramount. Those who really need to hear this probably won’t read it. I had to stop praising partners at one point. The Ego was getting a bit too much.
Well, hopefully compliments will be acceptable again someday. Let’s hope they do!
Amazing reading and great humble and realistic approach of such a complicated subject for those that made the practice of Argentine Tango such an especial part of their lifestyle. Very constructive reading.
Thank you for this article. I agree with your opinion. It is very important that everyone read this post. Best regards from Poland.
Thank you! Best wishes from Canada
very good reading. for me practicing with all skill levels helps me lead better.although I totally disagree about learning things from YouTube. there is a million good instructorsthat put out very good videos to learn from
There may be good instructors on YouTube, but the problem is it is impossible to judge how you feel and how you are executing the movements without having a teacher there to see what is going wrong.
In areas with no dance, I find YouTube a great tool. It can also be a decent supplementary tool, but YouTube does not a great dancer make.
There are SOME good instructors on youtube, but few, actually. And what they can teach on youtube is limited, and what they DO teach is even MORE limited. Two reasons: Business suicide, and the difficulty in teaching what people REALLY need to know. In essence, dancers MOVE. HOW you move in general and specific to each dance and role in the dance, gives you more ability to do and learn more. Teaching THAT, how to move, isn’t that easily done in PERSON by many instructors, (took me ten years to find someone who could – Isabel Rodriques in Emeryville, CA.) ON the Internet, insight and details are possible by those able to share them, but we all are our own worst observer, and without a professional to dance with us, we can’t really know how well we are doing.
Nice. But light print on a white background is sooo hard to read! Please and thanks.
What a great read:) I agree with the fact that every dancer (well, and any person in general) should never stop learning and growing. And you’ve got a nice reminder at the end about appreciating other dancers as people (although that’s not always easy to do if someone nearly broke your arm several times during a dance 😀 )
Not going to say that your dance partner didn’t try to break your arm… but it may have been the connection between you and the other dancer that didn’t work… as discussed in the article 🙂
DES!! Awareness is the beginning to bring about change ;). An awesome article – awesome also to be recognising those self actualised individuals in my dancing community
This is a interesting article indeed, but it fails to address the very discussion that it opens.
There is several things I would like to approach to enrich the discussion.
1. Describing some typical personality traits to define a “toxic dancer” may be the very strategy of a toxic kind of person. Start to accuse and create labels to qualify what is an appropriate dance behavior may look like a good thing at first, but in the end is more likely that it will be used to exchange accusations and judgments creating a hostile environment. That`s why the best strategy of someone really worry about some of this dancers (ego) is to talk with them and understand their own reasons. I`m sure a lot of them have very good reasons to think they have a very balanced ego and kind personality.
2. Most times to accuse someone of “toxic ego dancer”, finding a way of putting him in one or two boxes defined in the article above, is a harsh and precipitated way of avoiding real contact and dialogue with this person to find out how he really feel and what is in his/her mind. There is confront and problems in all types of relationship – in dance is not different.
3. If you were a student and now is a professor, I`m sure you know that your concept of “toxic” and “ego” has changed from one stage to the other. There is no such a thing as a broader and smarter eye: everyone is missing something in their judgments. Sometimes the student you think you can help so much with your psychology treatise may have valid insides about yourself.
3. Dance floors and the partner dance scene can be very scary and hostile for some. You can try to make them feel more comfortable and peaceful with smiles and taking the blame for every mistake, but those are just band aids. There is not a formula or a key- that will grant that nobody will judge you. That happens even with the most humble professors. This article is just giving ammunition to judgmental people.
4. The article to try to approach a very difficult issue: authority and learning in dance scenes. I have seen often the types of students that you are talking about. It seems like they do not have humbleness enough to give the authority to the others, and therefore they are unable to learn. Well, it seems that way, but it is not that simple. Sometimes it is the professor that is not comfortable with someone that has a different rhythm of learning. There is also students that like to exploit different professors and to select the information that fits his dance better. In sum, sometimes the student is a humble learner, but the professor cannot stand him for his own insecurities. Although ego-dancers can be a real thing, almost all of them are just people developing and passing trough a difficult stage of maturation. Remember yourself when you were learning? Can you say you never tried to jump some stages? Have you ever showed some vanity? That`s normal. On the other hand there is no other thing as cruel, insensible and pedantic as a Teacher that look to this type of students as competition, trying to cool them down with “etiquette”, psychological lessons. Even if the person is immature and “toxic”, it is even more immature from a teacher to feel menaced by him to the point of trying to put him in “his place”.
Hello Modesto,
1. I appreciate your thoughtful discourse. Please keep in mind that when I wrote this, it was with an eye to self-exploration – not judgement of others. Absolutely everyone has their motivations, and I’m sure the majority of these people don’t realize how they come across… but if we are willing to self-reflect, we can self-improve. Nowhere in my article have I referred to others as ‘toxic dancers’. Only at one point did I mention ‘toxic dance presence’, which people can become if they forget how to treat others with respect.
2. I never advocated putting people in boxes. I wanted to help people self-reflect and see if they have bad habits in their social dance presence that they can watch out for. Just like any other negative quality, what I talk about never defines a whole person… but it can affect a person’s health, relationships, and dance scene.
3. I never said take the blame for other’s mistakes – I said *do not* blame others for all the mistakes. Look for ways you can improve the dance. It takes two to tango, and the point here was to *not* judge (hence, no ammo for the judgemental).
4. I also did not talk at all about if an instructor does not mesh with a student. I actually tackle the issue of picking a teacher that works *for* your learning style in another article. Having the ability to stay humble enough to learn is not directed at a specific instructor, but by the willingness to attempt to find ways to learn – to *explore* the possibilities of learning from those instructors around you. It does not mean that one must accept everything a teacher says without weighing it carefully.
Yes, it’s true, most dancers go through a phase… some never grow out of it. Some do jump it. But, without awareness and the ability to see what we’re doing, it’s hard to grow out of it.
If you have had such a teacher who was *So threatened* by you as to try to smush them down, I’m sorry. That should not have happened. But I believe that I can safely say that almost all dance teachers want to see our students *thrive*. It’s not about putting people in their place, it’s about lifting the whole community to a healthy, happy place.
I am sorry you have such negative feelings towards my writing. I feel like you have possibly missed the entire point of what I was attempting to convey. The article was about self-reflection, not reflection on others. Please read it again, and attempt to understand it for the purpose it was written.
2.
Thanks for the kind response. I just have two thing to add. 1. I read your whole post with interest and I paid attention to what the point was. My post was a contribution exploiting some consequences that You did not address.. 2.Even if the purpose of your article was self-reflexion, remember two things: if the person is a toxic dancer, he will read it like you are talking about any other person but himself. 3. If the person is toxic, he is also more likely to see those defects in people that he do not like. 3. If the person is not toxic, Those recommendations are superfluous, because he already have the ability to listen, to share the blame, to dialogue, etc. 4. Some students have to pass their phase and mature by themselves. A textbook of behavior will not help. There is situations in life where the most mature has to look at the less mature with kindness instead as competition. That’s already the behavior of most teachers – that’s intuitive. They condescend to those flaws.I am afraid that to start this types of discourse about dancing is extremely dangerous. Instead of getting better, you will manage to make the environment more frightened and hostile, where people will be checking themselves exaggeratedly critically for something that was supposed to be ordinary – like being a student with some vanities and that likes to Focuses on patterns first and only when advanced he turns to technique (like almost every student was) 5. Now a certain level of awareness is welcome indeed, to not create monsters or spoiled dancers in the future. That’s the good points of tour text, indeed. But if we do not do it with space to discussion, dialogue and even to revision, i am afraid it is more likely that nobody will learn anything but how to judge and be severe with one another. I have seen a lot of people pre-judging one another with those concepts of ego or toxic dancer, and those people have to learn how to listen and dialogue first, giving a chance of defense to those before jumping to conclusions.
At last I want to say you have the incredible intuitive mind and a very good cicle of insights. That’s out of question. The problem is que que people do not have the same intelligence will use your insights in the service of Their Own intolerance, Narcissism and resentment. Others will use it to get scared, overcritical about Themselves and, Eventually, about the others. What we do not need in partner dances, in my oppinion, is textbooks of types of personality que toxic helps people to be self-indulgent in every aspect of Their dance and, at same team, extremely judgmental about the others. Dialogue, real contact and understanding is needed.
After reading your considerations, let me ask you, are you a toxic dancer? or are you in denial?
Because your text suggests it.
L. modesto seems to be the one putting people in a box. (Just saying)
What’s your opinion on someone that does the dancing purely for fun as they have a rich enough life elsewhere, and gets more fun from learning new patterns than ironing out technique? If they only ever intend to social dance and not to try and compete, teach or earn from it?
I actually cover that in another article that I wrote (about “Dancing Well Enough”).
Basically, if you are actually doing it for fun and have a pleasant attitude, I have no problem with it… with one caveat: If you are hurting people in your mission to ‘learn new patterns’, you are out of your depth.
There are a lot of casual dancers that like learning advanced or intermediate patterns and end up seriously injuring people. If you are dancing to your level, and understand that you do not have a technical foundation to attempt the higher level items, then it’s all cool.
Think of it like scuba diving: almost anyone can go on a vacation and get taken on a shallow dive accompanied by an instructor with relatively little risk. However, if you tried to do a deep-sea dive without understanding breathing technique, logging previous dive time, decompression, etc. you’re likely to run into big trouble.
The difference is, in diving you’re not endangering anyone but yourself. In social dance, it’s usually the *other* person that suffers as a result of your lack of knowledge.
So basically, I believe in dancing to your skill level and having a realistic view of your dancing. DES is more aimed at people who refuse to take lessons because they believe they are ‘too good’, not because they have a rich, external life.
thankyou this si so real and helpful
Excellent article. This is a serious issue in the dance community. Thank you for addressing it.
Good piece. My points: 1. Many “professionals” are often more talented amateurs without necessarily any great diagnostic or analytic skills or deep knowledge of biomechanics, movement, pedagogy, etc. Ergo, don’t always take as gospel what they say, apart from their usual commercial incentives in shading the truth. 2. Any feedback, particularly the chilly silence variety, is welcome and should be explored and digested. 3. Watch yourself on video as a training technique.
Laura, I really appreciate this article, given the rampant egotism I often witness in this field. I often see it manifested simply in a teacher/choreographer’s bio, in which they have sweeping subjective statements about themselves and their work: “____ creates breathtaking, groundbreaking choreography that has been described as inspirational and life-changing” or “______ is one of the most incredible, multi-talented choreographers working today.” What most concerns me in these scenarios is that it is clear that these artists, some/many of whom are getting a lot of money to teach and work with young dancers, are clearly more interested/invested in themselves.
Hey Ryan!
I understand your concern, but I do think bio’s fall under a slightly different umbrella than DES as I described it. Many teachers and choreographers actually get people to help write their bio or use reviews written by others as their founding blocks because they *don’t* know how to sell themselves. It is very difficult to self-judge one’s work AND be able to create a successful sales pitch without sounding full of oneself – which is essentially what a biography is trying to do. Plus, many artists are working with English as a second language – and sometimes the rules for how things are perceived in English are different than the home language.
There are some instructors/choreographers who certainly *do* behave with a large amount of ego, but as a dance professional who has obsessed over trying to write a good bio that doesn’t sound ridiculously stuck up or completely dull, I can understand why some bios have so much cheesy self-idolization – whether or not the person actually does have a large ego!
does it even take a year for someone to be at risk?
when i was doing salsa (i’m a zouk convert now haha)…but when I was salsa-ing, some of the worst culprits were under a year!
i even remember being in some workshops or social dancing and guys who’d been dancing a month or 2 were telling me ‘you need to spin’ or ‘you need to do the basic with me’ – the thing is, they weren’t leading it! In the case of the leadego, followers really need to not do the steps in the workshops unless the guy is leading them EVEN IF they know what they are supposed to do.
I don’t doubt for a second that some people develop this before they’ve been dancing a year – but I find the majority of offenders are people who have been dancing a year and think they ‘have it!’
I actually have a different philosophy when it comes to social dancing: follow the intention. If someone is struggling to dance and do a basic step or something else, I meet them halfway. I use my skills as an advanced follow to elevate BOTH our dancing by following the intention and the leader’s body, even if they’re not properly leading it. (I’m totally on the same page with workshops though – never backlead there!)
Ha! I’ve danced with those types too, and they’re usually the worst dancers trying to school the ladies. I shy away from them. We had on in our studio and during the Ballroom Hustle the teacher said for me not to hold back and give my partner my arms. That was a big mistake. He nearly tore my arm off. He did it to another woman that same night. It got to the point that no woman wanted to dance with him, too rough, awkward dancer and tried to school everyone. I took ballroom for to learn, enjoy, have fun, not compete and get injured by an ego maniac. Sheesh!
Hey Laura, quite interesting topic. I followed the discussion in the comments: couldn’t you transfer everything you wrote about dance ego to writing ego? Somebody criticised your kind of writing and you answered him with he didn’t get the point of your post…..
I usually read and love your posts but get one hurting point: you address important topics all connected with the psyche and soul. But your writing is very impersonal. You use words like: one, oneself, leaders, dancers, teachers… So AS a reader I feel like you are an observer. Not touched. But in all your comments you open up that you meant the post from the point oft self-reflecting. So please, do that: self-reflect about your experience. Give US an honest insight into your struggles from your perspective. And then establish rules etc. It would be easier to identify and ASK myself about the topic. The other way always feels a little accusing all the people outside of something. I know this is the harder part. But it would really bring in something to share about and an inspiration from somebody who has gone through the flaws…. You said the teacher is responsible for what the student understands. So is the writer about his message to the reader.
Keep up your valuable work!
Hi Diana,
Thanks for writing. I think the specific conversation you’re referring to was with Modesto? When I mention self-reflection in that context, it was that this article was meant to create self-reflection in readers – rather than for them to use it as a way to judge others. It was not me self-reflecting on my experience. I still stand by my statement that what he was referring to was not what I intended to be taken away from the original post – and that may be my fault. My follow-ups were an attempt to clarify that message. 🙂
I definitely maintain a more impersonal tone in some of my articles that deal with weightier topics – or topics where it easier for individuals to take offence. This article, in particular, is on the more ‘academic’ side.
I do feel that in several of my articles, I do adopt a more personal tone. Perhaps that is a point where we disagree. But, I choose tone and style according to the subject matter at hand. I’ve written about my own problems with ego quite a bit in a few different places – but generally speaking, people don’t really care about my struggles. They care about what applies to them! (at least, according to how many people respond to each article).
You will know you have this illness once you stop enjoying dancing because enjoyment of dancing will be taken over by once ego,,, technically that applies to everything one does, if you are taking it too seriously you are not enjoying it 😀 its just a dance a Killer whale and a bird can dance you are not that special 😀
Great post analyzing a very common issue. I run a dance school in Stockholm and it is very common here. Sometimes it start in the beginners classes when people say they cant learn because their partners cant lead/follow. If they would focus on their own issues they could find something to work on even when the other person is off beat.
The issue with learning patterns over technique feels like a general issue in the latin dance world, most congresses dvds and online programs are focused on patterns.
As a teacher its very easy to fall into the ego trap since your students always give you praise. What has worked wonders for me is looking at my own videos and in the mirror, i always find something to motivate me to learn more ?
Thank you! I am printing this article out and giving it to my “Advanced” hip hop class!