A generous dancer is one who shares their love of dancing with the world – whatever that world may be.
The Performer does this through tireless dedication to their craft, resulting in breathtaking performances of (near) perfection. The Teacher does this through thinking about how they will better communicate their craft to their students every single time they teach. The Mentor does this by guiding their mentees through all the stages of dance development.
The Social Dancer does this by being gracious on the dancefloor. Always.
A Generous Social Dancer does not force their partner to do moves that they aren’t comfortable with; they hone their dance to the level of their partner. If their partner can barely do a basic, they will do that basic step to the best of their ability. They will make that partner feel like that basic step is the best step of their night. If their partner is battling an injury, you will see them re-invent the dance to accommodate that injury – even at the expense of technique, timing, or musicality. You will see their partners glow with pride at the end of a ‘dance well done’, instead of run away from the floor with insecurity in their eyes.
A Generous Social Dancer does not sneer when their partner doesn’t ‘do it right’, or makes a mistake. They recognize that they are not immune to mistakes – and that mistakes are a part of social dancing. They recognize that their partner may not be an ‘advanced’ dancer, but that they are trying to the best of their ability to give their partner a good dance. You will see their dances seem never to have mistakes – only happy accidents and perhaps an occasional giggle.
A Generous Social Dancer does not treat their partner like any less of a partner for their size, gender, age, or ability. All partners are equal; all are deserving of being treated like a human. They recognize that all these dancers are people – all with feelings that are equally sensitive to whether they are given respect on the dance floor. You will see these people dance with the old, the young, the heavy, the light and more with equal grace.
A Generous Social Dancer declines and accepts dances with grace. They recognize that if they cannot ‘give it their all’, they should not accept the dance and then treat it like an obligation. Social dancing is a privilege for both partners – both asker and asked. If they are not ‘in the mood’, a Generous Social Dancer will return to that potential partner when they are actually able to engage and create something beautiful on the dance floor. You will not see them looking bored and disengaged on the floor, longing to be somewhere else.
Most importantly, a Generous Social Dancer is not necessarily generous all the time – but they try. Generous Social Dancers are, above all, generous with themselves. They recognize that they won’t always be ‘on’, and love every partner they ever dance with. However, they know that being a Generous dancer is a lifelong pursuit – and one that needs constant work. They know it is a mindset, determination, and a process – not something you automatically ‘are’ or ‘are not’. It is an active decision.
And it is a decision they try to make every time they hit the dance floor.
This is included in the spirit of the post, but I thought it would be worth emphasizing:
A generous dancer not only accepts invitations to dance from beginners, but goes out of their way to dance with each one of them present. They remember how it was in the beginning, and how much those dances mean.
This is really important in the less-populated spots (Forth Worth, Omaha)…places like LA and Dallas and Chicago it’s kind of impossible, but still a great attitude.
I’m curious why you say it is kind of impossible in the more populated spots?
I like the sentiment of this post, but I agree it can get tricky in the cities. The sheer number of beginner dancers present at any given event make it difficult. If someone tried to dance with each and every one of the beginner dancers at the weekly dance in Austin, for example, there would be no time left for dancing with anyone else. Also, as a follow, I am a bit careful with beginner dancers because sometimes they are REALLY rough. They can yank your arms HARD before you can say anything, and some of them are not quite sure which way your arms and wrists can rotate. I’ve been sore for days (particularly in my shoulders) after some very rough and overly-enthusiastic dances with new dancers. Everyone started as a new dancer, but I also don’t like to spend my entire night teaching on the dance floor or risking injury. Although you should always be kind, I don’t think anyone should be obligated to dance with everybody.
I think I need to clarify a bit what I am saying in the article 🙂
To me, being a generous dancer is NOT about dancing with every beginner – it’s about approaching the dances you do have with grace. I rarely get around to dancing with every beginner at a social. Occasionally, I also decline dances. However, being a generous dancer is being completely present in the dances you do have (which includes keeping yourself safe), and being respectful and kind when you do decline. You can absolutely decline or not ask certain people and still be a generous dancer! This post is not about dancing with everybody.
In my city, our pool of dancers (in my dance), is around the one thousand people mark. A typical dance event is anywhere from 20 to 100 people.
With this number in mind, even if I were to spend an entire night dancing with people who are either new/visiting/strangers, I could easily fill an entire night doing so. To be honest for many reasons, this isn’t always desirable.
I have a slightly different take on this, I tend to keep an eye on who’s dancing and who’s been sitting down. I make it a point not to necessarily to dance with beginners but with the people who have been sitting down too long.
Some beginners get non stop dances, while some regulars get none. It is safe to assume any who attend social dances are there to dance at least once. To me, it would be great shame to go out to a social and not dance at all 🙁
I love your writing. Every time I’m feeling a bit deflated after a less than perfect dance night, your articles remind me that there are people on the dance floor who think like this, and that I want to be one of these people for others. It’s not about being a perfect dancer. Keep it coming!
I’m glad that it lifts your spirits!! Keep dancing 🙂
Yes, these are great articles! I’m so glad I found this (through my dance instructor’s facebook posting). How do I follow you?
Hi B! You can follow us through our Facebook page: The Dancing Grapevine!
Love your writing.
Its encouraging and I hope and do believe that with after sometime will have a generation of generous dancer out there in our dance floors.
very nice reflexions, but I think it’s easier to dance with beginner that with a professional when we are advanced …